


Angels and Ovaries

by Not_So_Austen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cancer, Crack, Genderswap, Magical Accidents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-02
Updated: 2009-11-02
Packaged: 2017-11-05 15:14:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/407909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_So_Austen/pseuds/Not_So_Austen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel helps rid Dean of ovarian cancer. Pretty much entirely crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Angels and Ovaries

“What the Hell, Cas?” Dean's head was groggy, and the first thing he saw when he managed to open his heavy-lidded eyes was Castiel's face inches from his own. Grunting, Dean made to sit up, but found he was unable to. “What the Hell, Cas?” Dean repeated, gruffer this time, though he was surprised to realise his voice wasn't as deep as he intended it.

“Dean,” said Castiel placatingly. “Zachariah – ” Castiel trailed off.

“Zachariah what, Cas? Untie me,” Dean pulled ineffectively at his restraints.

“I can't.”

“It's not that hard to do. See those knots? Undo them. Or if that's too hard for you, I have a knife in my left boot, you can cut the ropes off.” 

“I will untie you. However, first I must undo what Zachariah has done.”

“And that would be what exactly?”

“Ovarian cysts.”

“Ovarian – what? Cas, buddy, I hate to break it ya but you must have taken a few too many sips of the sacramental wine. I don't have ovaries.”

“Yes, you do. There was a – ” Castiel paused. “There was slight mishap when you were fighting with the witch.”

“A witch? What's this got to do with Zachariah.”

“He arrived afterward. You don't remember?”

“I don't know what you're even talking about, Cas. What witch? And how am I a girl? I don't feel any different – I don't even have any breasts.”

“Yes, you do.”

Dean turned to look at his chest as best he could given the angle. “She gave me tiny breasts. What kind of twisted bitch is she?”

“Try to hold still, Dean. This is going to hurt.”

Before Dean could respond, he felt a searing hot pain near his hip, causing him to shout and flinch sideways involuntarily. 

“You need to hold still,” cautioned Castiel. 

“What are you – ” Dean gasped, trying to hold back the shudders of pain. “Is that – is that your hand?”

Castiel didn't answer, focused on what he was doing, but Dean was right. It was, in fact, Castiel's hand, a hand that was somehow reaching through his skin with all the gentle subtlety of a hot iron poker.

“Buy a girl a drink before you put your hand inside her,” Dean snarked through gritted teeth. “I'm a classy lady.”

Dean clenched and unclenched his fists in their binds, trying to focus his attention on anything but the searing pain. With a frustrated grunt, Dean asked sharply, “What the hell is taking so long? Do you need to burn the cancer out of them? It's like a spa treatment in Hell.”

“It's a delicate process,” explained Castiel, never shifting his gaze. “I have to gently remove the cancerous growths. It requires more precision to remove than it does to give.”

“So, what? You're fondling them?” Dean complained, agitated with pain. “You're fondling my private girl parts.” Dean rambled on, a little incoherent and close to passing out when the unbearable heat subsided and the restraints were loosened around his ankles and wrists. 

“It should be safe to restore your body to it's usual state,” said Castiel.

“Should be?” asked Dean, moving to sit up. “Just wait a – ”

Dean was cut off by a blinding flash of white light. When his eye-sight returned, albeit a little spotty, Dean hurriedly checked himself over and sighed with relief. Everything was where it was supposed to be.

“You gonna tell me what happened?”


End file.
